Usually I play for worship but for these 3 weeks I have been let off because of exams. As some members couldn't make it for various reasons I did greeters with Yijing. Standing at the back of the hall gave me a new perspective. Know I shouldn't be observing people and I should be worshipping myself but as I looked I just felt slightly saddened. Yes people were worshipping God but I sensed that there was something lacking for a lot of people.
I know true worship does not require raising of hands, jumping or how loud we sing but I think that many of these things come very naturally when we truly have desire for God. If we really longed for Him we would be crying out for Him and giving our all in worship and I thought I got a glimpse of that during last year's Youth Camp.
We then told to break up into our CGs and pray together and I tried sharing some of those thoughts I mentioned above but I dunno if it got through because they were kinda jumbled up. I'm not trying to say that anyone from our CG is lacking passion for God, but I really desire that there could be so much more fire for Him from everyone in our CG, including myself. To have that inimate experience and relationship with God such that when we come to worship it is really heart-felt worship, every week we really look forward to coming to church to minister to one another, we enjoy serving Him, we believe that God works through our prayers etc.
After we prayed there was another time of worship and I felt I had to stop my greeters duty and worship. I still had these worries in my heart, thinking of what can I do inspire you guys, how to light up that passion within everyone. Then we sang the song Hosanna and I felt I had to kneel before God.
We sang this line "I see a generation, rising up to take their place, with selfless faith" and I thought to myself is that really true? Then we sang "I see a near revival, stirring as we pray and seek" and then I think the word "near" really spoke to me. How once again as a ministry we are at a cross-road of something amazing going to happen. We are so near to revival but are we going to press on, are we going to pray and seek.
And then I just broke down before God, He reminded me that it was really Him who is going to do the work, not Joshua Lee's actions. My part is to pray, to seek, be faithful and release these things to Him. This is not the first time I have tried to use my own abilities thinking they are sufficient to cause people to be on fire for God and believe me when I say I have really tried really hard to do that for our Ministry, for our CG but many times I have been discouraged when I don't see the results.
As I was kneeling there Janahan came next to me and prayed for me and I felt an extra confirmation from God as Jana prayed for me. He prayed that many times we have tried to do things on our own strenght we feel disheartened but in times like these when we are looking to God for miracles we really have to rely on Him. It was amazing how those words echoed exactly what was going through my mind. My weeping turn into sobs and I really knew that God really wanted to say these things to me, that he wants to take away my burdens.
So what am I driving at after writing all these things? I'm not too sure myself, but I hope it somehow encourages you if you feel that you have been striving very hard on your own and that things don't seem to be working out. Or perhaps you feel that God is a very abstract idea, that He is just someone we read about in the bible, but let me tell you that He is a very personal God, we just have to take that step of faith and try our best to give our all to Him. Let me tell you from the bottom of my heart if there's really one thing I value the most in my life, that I have no regrets about, is my decision to follow God though so many times I have strayed away He always waiting to receive me.
And when did I make this decision? It was when I was a Youth like you guys one night in Secondary 3 at a Youth Camp and it changed my life totally. That's why I like being in the Youth Ministry because I feel we aren't so skeptical yet and we have that capacity and faith to let God fill our hearts more easily. Don't delay, open your heart to God. Come for Youth Camp and be touched.
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