A long and hard message.

This post is on behalf for Wenxin, who appears to be too hyper...

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Will be a super long chunk of words, bear with it huh(if you are even going to read it).

I was feeling quite depressed the past few days (maybe not “quite”, maybe it’s “quite a lot”).

Haha.

But anyway, after this "continuous emotional downfall", I realised that life is not just something to live through; but instead is something to experience through. If you were not to experience anything in life, it will not be interesting anymore. Every single soul's life is interesting and unique. Be it what you have experienced until now is just "boredom", "routine", "nothing", "stress". At least, you have "nothing" to experience! Be postive.

Some things you might have gone through:
- you lost your favourite toy which you stuff all your miseries in it and now you have lost it you have nothing to vent your sadness??
- you had a crush on a loser? (maybe that's not that bad, everyone will have times like that :P)
- you are really disgusted in the way your family does things?
- someone said something hurtful and made you really sad?
- someone misused the trust you had gave them?
- parents giving you too less stress and the amount of stress backfired?
- you realised you were not a part of the family but instead APART?
- teachers are being too demanding?
- some subjects in school is taking up too much of your stress and time?and the list just goes on and on and on.... never ending.

You know why?

One negative thought leads to another. And when these negative thoughts gather, they make you feel even depressed/sad because depressed people often perceive themselves to be useless and begin the believe that everything that goes wrong must be thier fault.. Thus, all in all, they result in YOU becoming even negative. A depressed person is more likely to see everything as hopeless and the gloom just continues.

HOWEVER, that's where trust and believe comes in. TRUST that God will help you through this "emotional crisis".

Micah7:7 As for me, I look to the LORD for help. I will wait confidently for God to save me, and my God will certainly hear me.
BELEIVE in Him that He will not take back his "Gift of Peace" from you just because he loves you

John14:27 "I am leaving with you a gift - peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid."
This actually came back to me THRICE (twice during QT and once from Joshua). I suppose the meaning of this is must be really strong and important and this might be what God had always wanted me to learn.

I am a "not-so-strong-but-strong-enough" believer (not VERY strong though, I can be weak at times). Even though the way I believe in God might be a different way as yours, I believe that everyone have a different way of loving God. And that we would be able to learn from Him the different things in the world in a different way, with the other obstacles exisiting in life to stray you from Him. Therefore, I believe that God placed "SADNESS" with us for a reason. (Maybe it's my own opinion, rebut it if you wanna XD)

Some chinese thing that I actually realised it made sense (although I made it up just for fun and have quite a really hard time deciding whether to post it up or not cause I am not really sure if you guys will understand it or not)

水能载舟，也能覆舟;当然也可以拿来煮粥;剩下的，可要看你如何逆水行舟。

If you don't understand, I do not know how to translate eh... :P But the gist of it is just that WATER can actually be used for a lot of things, is just that how you use it and how you overcome the bad side of it. It's just the same as EMOTIONS. And the way you deal with emotions and the things coming alongside with the crazy-mixed-up-feelings you have is an EXPERIENCE. It helps you to grow, stronger and more determined. However, it also defeats its own purpose when the devil appears somewhere along your depression and starts to tempt you with all the other "happy" and "exhilerating" things that will lead to some stupid consequence. It will be up to you to decide on listening to which voice that you hear from your heart.

Overcoming the depression period for me was the most difficult (and I assume if you were to be in the same situation I had, it would be the worst of the whole experience). Besides, I have only recovered a little bit today. I understand that sometimes maybe trying to convince yourself to BELIEVE and getting yourself to smile and all those just don't work. And when people try to talk you out of your emotions you just "dao" (as in ignore and give a poker face kinda thing) the person. Me too, I did that (because those emotional quotients books just won't work out for me when I am depressed). If you are the kinda person like me, when you are feeling super down and you don't wanna talk about it a suppress it, when people asks you about it you just plainly say "I'm fine and thanks loads for your comfort" kinda thing(then you need people to go pry you open and FORCE you to say something), perhaps you should change. I admit I was wrong. I was wrong to deny my emotions and not even acknowledging them, this is utterly crazy. It reaches to an extent whereby you cannot keep it any longer and explodes, and the side effects were extreme. Not to say it's not good but it's not suggestable, and it is not very healthy to do so. [According to the Behavioral Medicine Research Centre at Duke University and other researchers around the world, people of TYPE A personality(hostile, hurrying, impatient, ambitious) will have a higher risk of getting coronary heart disease. Also, those who felt a cynical mistrust of others, experienced frequent bounts of anger, and spoke or acted aggressively towards others were at a higher risk not only for heart disease but also for a wide range of other life-threatening illnesses.]

When I was feeling emotional, I used to cut myself when I was a child just because I was really numb (numb of life, things, family, death and many other things). I used to be really sick of life and really tired of the pills I have to feed myself everyday because of my medical history. But cutting myself wasn't really effective, I can say. Even though it makes you more relieved and it makes you FEEL better, it isn't gonna take you anyway further away from sadness. It will, in contrast, make you feel even worse because you will soon enough be distant from your friends and the world. Also, a loss of blood doesn't make you become more healthy(obviously).
So, don't be silly. You are a gift from God to your parents. Remember and allow me to repeat: YOU ARE A GIFT FROM GOD TO YOUR PARENTS (it MUST be the good because I STRONGLY believe that every child has a meaning in this world to bring joy and laughter), so are the other people living around you. Therefore everyone is equal and everyone have the right to behave and convey themselves the way they wanna. Why be angry/fed up/ disgusted/ disappointed at someone? Why not reason it out with them and make known your feelings and emotions in the right way?Let's try this:

--> NOT STUFFING YOUR OWN EMOTIONS
Try writing a log whenever you are upset/unhappy/disorganised/etc. with the following:
Scene: Describe objectively observable facts without emotions/opinions.
Thoughts: What were you thinking?Feelings: What were you feeling? (Sad/disgusted/afraid/interested/loving/ashamed/anxious/anything else)
Behaviours: What exactly did you say/do?
Consequence: What was the outcome of your behaviour?
Then, do a simple reflection on how you can change the current situation to the better and then pray to God for whatever things you can do to improve yourself. (I have not tried this yet but I suppose it will be effective since the book says so)

--> TALKING TO PEOPLENot bottling your emotions and allow it to stuff yourself up. [Can always call me XDXD. 24/7 on standby! I am even more 24/7 than 7/11 okayyy? Haha.]

--> TRY SMILINGBut smiles are hard to fake khaye! Only 10% of people can decide to contract the outer part of the muscle which pulls the eyebrow down at the same time as rasing the cheeeck and pulling up the skin below the eyes to smile. A certain physcial movement of the face muscle actually made people feel happier. Smiling is a form of communication and laughter is contagious (don't laugh too much though).

--> TELLING THE PERSON THAT YOU ARE UNHAPPY WITH HIM/HER AND THAT IT AFFECTS YOUTry not to convey the wrong message by under-expressing or over-expressing your emotions. This method does not just help you to have a better social life but also helps you not to vent the wrong anger at the wrong person if you cannot tolerate it anymore.

--> DO WHATEVER YOU DEEM FIT FOR YOUR FEELING AT THAT MOMENT.I love to crack eggshells(hard boiled and egg white and yolk eaten up:P) and make a crackling noise then try to make everything like sand (pouring them just makes me feel better). Try tearing paper, crying (if you can stop), or calling your brothers purposely by the wrong name just because they look totally alike with their new spectacles (as long as you don't offend them) if you are happy just by doing it and does not disturb the other people even if it mean that you were to paint your nails bright pink and lime green
XD [Note: I know I am an evil sister]

--> LOOK FOR YOUR BESTIES FOR A MEALI did that and I eventually felt better because I believe your besties are sent by God! They are the angels who accompanied me though the worst moments of Secondary School life and had never parted me for anything XDXD I'm sure you will have your own clique and gangs and all sorts of close people, so please do appreciate them for everything! If not, can always find me XDXD (I realise I have been asking people to find me. Aiyaaaaah, just if anything you need help or anything you wanna nag or complain about can just look for me or even ask me out for nothing. Good point about me is that I always remember what people tell me. Bad point about me is that I always forget what I tell people. LOL.)

--> LOOK EVERWHERE FOR INSPIRATION
For me, I love to stare at ants. They are always my source of inspiration. Be it friendship, diligence or family, an ant is all you need! Maybe not relationships. LOL.

--> MOST OF ALL, PRAY TO GOD.
Psalm32:8 The LORD says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.Trust in Him because He loves you more than anyone elses. If you are feeling unloved or depressed or alone or lonely, all the more I would urge you to pray. I did, I kept asking God to "Save me, save me." But while I was searching for a reason, I told God "for I don't know what. I just felt lost." You know, to my amazement, He did. I felt better, gradually even though things just continued to go up and down in the past few days.

Pslam 34:17-18 The LORD hears His people when they call to Him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the heartbrokened; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

In conclusion, with better and more joyous emotions, it aids you not only personally but also your point of views and dealings with things also improves!

Ohkhaye. I have ended. ***phheeewww*** (I had a tough time trying to get my English better, afterall pardon that my English is THAT bad:P Note: CHINESE IS SUPER IMPORTANT AS WELL)Hahas. P.S. I have never written such a long essay before.
P.S.S. Thanks to all who have cheered me up:D Esp Joshua, Bernadine, Rachel and YQ... Thanks all!!
P.S.S.S. <33!!

Loads of love, Wenxin (maybe not everyone know me laaaa, but I AM WENXIN!!!!! LOL.)