Some thoughts

For some reason or another, I find myself blogging here, when I haven't even viewed this blog for ages. I just felt drawn here to share some thoughts I had after our fantastic youth camp.

I don't know about most of you guys but for me, going to church has always been a routine. Since young i've been coming to church every week, and its been so ingrained inside me that church is just a weekly activity. When things become so routine, theres not much thought as too what I'm actually going down to church for. Of course its good that its a usual thing to go to church but for me I guess it actually became so normal that I never really stopped to think about why I'm going. And as a result of this, for me theres really this absence of a desire to come to church, because I'm simply following a routine.

But during this youth camp, something spurred me to just think about everything, not just about why I'm coming to church but other stuff like how I can be really sure that God exists, whether God will reveal himself to me and so on. I'm not sure whether its really right for me to be questioning all these things, which I have just accepted as fact since young since I was brought up in a christian family. But in a way, because I started questioning so many things, they start to become more meaningful to me. During the camp, I didnt experience any of those encounters with the holy spirit and such, but yet I sense that there is a difference. I still don't have the answers to most of my questions but somehow I just feel theres this yearning right now to be closer to God and just go to youth to worship God. Honestly, its really quite a different feeling than before when I went just because its part of my normal 'timetable', because now I feel like there is a purpose in going to church. Previously if I couldnt make it for service I would just skip it without much thought but right now theres this feeling of sianness that I cant come for service. I'm not sure whats going to happen in the future but I really hope this desire and yearning for God stays with me cause it just makes everything much more meaningful :D